Sex I Grad XVIII

This week’s theme is one that just won’t seem to go away - Exes – I’ve had my share and for some reason they just all love showing up when you least expect them.

And, like uninvited guests at a party, once they arrive, it’s difficult to find a good reason to kick them out, and they end up cramping your style.

Now there are all kinds of Exes. There are Ex-Flings, Ex-Relations, Ex-Lovers, Ex-Blind-dates, Double- Exes that you’ve had a second go with, Ex-Colleagues, and someone else’s Exes which you just happened to comfort; and the always interesting ‘Oh my God I can’t believe we kissed for 2 minutes drunk in the club’ Ex. Those can be very scary.

Having had a few of them drop me e-mails, a text and running into one at a late night party, all in same 24 hours got me thinking…Do I have any regrets? After a few seconds reliving some moments and rewinding through a few quickly, after a few self satisfied smirks, I really can’t say I have gnawing regrets.

But the question piqued my curiosity and so I began asking everyone I knew about their stories. Perhaps I’m just lucky, but most of their stories seem to rival horror flicks.

One had an Ex she that she had had to chase for weeks, but who turned out to have ‘mummy issues’.

Another had a man who couldn’t get out of the bathroom - it seemed that he loved watching himself more than
being out with her. Another punk still owed my girlfriend money, and one unfortunate chick found out, postmortem, that her ‘lover’ had previously been dating her mum! Ouch.

One of the most comedic moments I’ve had in the city was being taken out to a fancy restaurant on a first date (so he qualifies as an almost- Ex) and while being hand-fed oysters, his girlfriend rushed in and began yelling at him.

Not for having his finger in my mouth, but for not having packed, as they were going on vacation the next morning. She ended up having dinner with us and even offered me dessert. Scary.

I’m sure everyone has had the classic cheater-Ex, or liar-Ex or the infamous he-never-called-back-Ex, I’m sure as you read this you are thinking of their face right now, the one that got away, or got away with murder. But then, who knows whose Ex you are?

And what stories they can tell about you? My family still gets calls from some of my Exes - they call themselves the Post-Mona Rehab Clinic. Some still go to my parents house in Canada for dinner, and I’m not even there. Yikes!

The best advice I heard about an Ex was from my Mum: If the first time wasn’t nice, then don’t do it twice.

E-mail me your horror stories or comments anonymously to: sexigrad@birn.eu.com